I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
