why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Randomize
