I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
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