he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Randomize
