Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
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