why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
accomplished twins. life is a go
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
