i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
