If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
You're a waste of cheezeits
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize