you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Randomize
