how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
