this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Boobs are out for the taking
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Randomize
