I smell stomach acid.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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