you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Randomize
