yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
