Can i not drive my cunt home
Ambien. No doubt about it.
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
I think im going to throw up on grandma
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
