Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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