Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
