thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Randomize
