I wish I could teleport
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Randomize
