Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
ttyl tear gas
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Randomize
