Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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