Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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