Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
It was confusing and full of hummus
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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