I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
