I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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