Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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