She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Randomize
