Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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