you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
