Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Randomize
