I can text with my tongue
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
