Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
