My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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