Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
