I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
