i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
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