Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
