finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
