I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Randomize
