am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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