I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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