I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
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