i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
