The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
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