Are we in a gay sports bar?
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
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