Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
You may now shotgun with the bride
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
