Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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