So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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