Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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