this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Randomize
