when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I smell like Dick and happiness
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
