they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
