can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I just forgot I was standing up.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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