I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Randomize
