We won't sleep together?
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Randomize
