I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Randomize
