You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
