Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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