I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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