My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Randomize
