Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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