my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
