quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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