Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
we should paint friendship bongs
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
