i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
he high fived his dick after we had sex
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
