i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize
