Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
you mean i was at the winter classic?
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
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