he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Randomize
