dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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