When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
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