none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize