So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
