Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
